Living with ADHD: My Diagnosis Story and Self-Medication Journey
There was this now deleted Reddit post in r/Cebu asking, "To those diagnosed with ADHD - how was your experience?" and here was my take on it.
There's this thing on Instagram Reels called AuDHD (Autism/ADHD), and I relate to most of what they are saying. I knew something was wrong with me, and I was experiencing a lot at that time with my tech job in Cebu—limerence, seasonal depression, stress from toxic clients, anxiety, inability to concentrate (more than usual), malaise, etc. It's a good thing my company offers a refund for medical services. I asked my TM if psychological services were included, and I got the approval.
So, I asked the local psychology association if they catered to Adult ADHD tests, and they referred me to Gestalt Wellness, located at Velez Medical Arts. I took the test there and was given a formal diagnosis: I have adult ADHD, inattentive type (formerly known as ADD), and I was experiencing ADHD burnout. By the way, officially, I'm not on the autism spectrum.
I've been told that my case was not severe, but that's because I had to learn how to mask the symptoms, develop self-coping strategies, and self-medicate (two cups of black coffee a day, armodafinil).
I'm still self-medicating. I'm a psychology student, and nootropics are not new to me. I tried ordering atomoxetine on Shopee, but the two stores I found were frozen, so I had to look elsewhere online. I chose atomoxetine (Strattera) because it's not a stimulant, and I didn't want to go to a psychiatrist for a ₱3,000 prescription for stimulants that cost around ₱290 per tablet. On a side note, I know stimulants have a bad reputation, but they simply activate the underactive parts of our ADHD brains (the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for high-level executive functioning). I just didn't want to explain to my family why I'm taking stimulants. Atomoxetine costs around ₱90 per tablet, so like a good car mechanic, I started with the most cost-efficient option first.
I knew it would take about 30 days before atomoxetine's full effects would be felt, but I still remember the first time I took it. Around 30 minutes in, the brain fog started lifting. Simple tasks like washing dishes, cooking food, and ironing clothes were no longer painful. It felt like grease to the cogs in my brain. Of course, I still needed nutrients as fuel and coffee as nitro. It was no longer a grind. And I say it's no longer painful because I don't have to deal with the task paralysis associated with inattentive-type ADHD.
I still take it every couple of days since, for me, the effects don't stack up—it would just be wasted if I took it daily. Mind you, I still need to meditate, be mindful of what to concentrate on, and decide what to work on. It's not an on/off switch.
It's best to go in person and get diagnosed. Your psychologist will have a better view of your symptoms. They will provide an official clinical diagnosis, both in paper and digital form. I've been told that one can use it to apply for a Persons with Disability (PWD) ID, but I don’t want the hassle of explaining invisible disabilities to people right now.
The test cost around ₱3,200 and I had it refunded by my company. But more than that, it was a vindication—finally proving my hunches: that something was wrong with me and explaining why I consistently self-sabotage my relationships, career, and life. And when I say self-sabotage, I mean constantly forgetting important (and non-important) things, having my attention stolen whenever I'm engrossed in stimulating activities, getting irrationally angry when my hyperfocus is broken, derailing conversations with tangents, frequently changing jobs and career paths, and obsessing over topics/people/hobbies/foods—only for that obsession to disappear around the sixth month or when it stops giving me dopamine.
Getting a clinical diagnosis was important to me because it removed the second-guessing. Now, I can focus (so to speak) on my life and stop beating myself up for being who I am. They say the male ADHD brain finally matures at 35, and coincidentally, that’s when I got diagnosed.
I suggest checking out r/ADHD if you want more support since there are three types of ADHD: Inattentive type, Hyperactive type, and Combined type.